here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What a dumb baby whore.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
