yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
