you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
