im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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