when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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