After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
