I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
