So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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