I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
