Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
