I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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