I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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