I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Did I show you my penis last night?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's blow job season.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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