cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
