this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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