Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
