3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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