You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
