It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
