This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
