I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
