I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
