Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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