Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
