Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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