I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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