Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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