dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
