so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
