she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
