Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
