You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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