wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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