It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
