Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
