I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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