There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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