he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
