is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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