Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
