weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
