i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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