It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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