Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
