my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
