remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
even my farts smell like vagina
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
