It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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