I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
