i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
