i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
