Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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