we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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