SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
