something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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