Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
