On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
