SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
