My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Panties = found
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
