Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
