he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
