If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
